hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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