Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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