he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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