If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This house was built for laser tag.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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