I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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