she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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