her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
