did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
