do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
