Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
