you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
