Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
