i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
