we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think my fart just growled at me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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