More tranny stories later!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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