i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize