He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
