I feel like abortions should bother me more
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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