You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
