Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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