nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
