First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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