if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
