Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
