There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
