hell yes lets make some ravioli
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
