I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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