OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
