all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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