I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
