the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
