some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
