As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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