Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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