Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
