I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
