worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
