Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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