I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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