I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
