Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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