what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize