I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
