Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
