Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize