i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
