Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
