i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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