I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
