I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
