I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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