I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
