Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
