the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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