I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
