did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
