Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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