Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
