Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
