No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
