Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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