Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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