Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you had me at cake vodka
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
