How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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