I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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