You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
