I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
