meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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